A Thousand Deaths
by It's All A Facade
Summary: Every time the light fades out of Dean's eyes, Castiel feels himself die as well. 8x17 based. Slight Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- This is my first actual Supernatural fanfic, and I was a bit nervous about starting it, because I mainly write fanfics for books (specifically Harry Potter), where it's easier to write. With shows, you don't know how they think, because you can't read their thoughts like you can in books. So this was a new experience. To doing new things! ^o^ Anyways, this is just a series of short drabbles inspired by episode 8x17 of Supernatural, specifically the beginning, where Cas kills Dean/Clone!Dean and hundreds more dead Deans are revealed. So each drabble focuses on Cas killing a Clone!Dean. Note- The italicized words inside parenthesis are Castiel's thoughts.**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing. Credit goes to Kripke and everyone else who created such beautiful, kickass characters.**

The first Dean is the hardest. The first Dean _begs_.

"No, Cas, _please_-" And all Castiel can hear is _"Help me- now. Please." _And then Dean _(no, not Dean, it can't be Dean)_ reaches up to grab his hand and Castiel smashes Dean's hand in his fist and it _crunches _and Dean cries out, and he's in pain, he's in so much pain, and Castiel wants to just heal him with a touch like he used to, and he can't remember why he can't, and Dean opens his mouth and pleads, "Cas, don't do this, we're brothers, we're _family,_ Cas, please," and Castiel breaks his jaw with a quick, clean blow before he can say another word.

The snap wrenches something deep within Castiel, something inside him turns _(I'm killing Dean Winchester, I'm hurting Dean Winchester) _and a tear rolls out of his eye as he plunges his sword into Dean's body.

_(I'm sorry, Dean, I'm so sorry) _Dean's body is limp and unmoving and his eyes are still open, brilliantly green against his bloody, broken face. _(Dean Winchester is dead, dead) _Castiel stares. _(And it's all my fault) _

**A/N- I hope this was an acceptable contribution to the awesomeness that is the Supernatural fandom. More's on the way, I don't know how long this will get. In the meanwhile, review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- I accidentally deleted my first draft of this, and I had to start from scratch. *headdesk* Anyways, happy reading!**

**Disclaimer- I still own nothing.**

The second Dean is harder. The second Dean asks why.

"Cas, why are you doing this?" _(Why am I doing this?) _Dean chokes out, lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. _(I just threw Dean Winchester at the wall, I am breaking Dean Winchester) _"Cas, we were family," _(Were, past tense, he no longer wants anything to do with me)_,"_Why_?"

Castiel slowly advances towards Dean's broken body _(He will never do anything again) _and almost gently places his hands on Dean's face _(Because of me)_. For one split second, hope shines in Dean's eyes, like Castiel will heal him with a touch like he used to _(He will spend eternity hating me)_. Instead, Castiel breaks Dean's neck with one sharp motion. _(And I deserve it)_

Castiel half expects Dean to get up _(Everyone knows Winchesters don't stay dead), _but he doesn't.

**A/N- My typing speed with 0 reviews- .5 wpm. My typing speed with 1 review- 5 wpm. My typing speed with 2 reviews- 10 wpm. My typing speed with 3 reviews- 15 wpm. My typing speed with 4 reviews- 25 wpm. My typing speed with 5 reviews- 30 wpm. My typing speed with 6 reviews- 35 wpm. My typing speed with 7 reviews- 40 wpm. My typing speed at 8 reviews- 50 wpm. My typing speed at 9 reviews- my keys are literally flying off my keyboard. Just a not-so-subtle hint. *wink wink nudge nudge***


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Methinks I am not very good at writing action scenes. I know some people picture the scene in their minds and transcribe it, so I tried that, but the only thing that my mind could come up with was in the form of one of those cheesy comedy love mangas, with the over-exaggerated fight scenes between the not-yet couple where the girl's beating up the dude with an over-exaggerated expression of anger while the guy goes all the way up into the sky with the force of the blow with a too-swollen cheek. ... Did that make sense? Point is, if there are any huge, glaring mistakes, like, "With one hand, Castiel held Dean down, and with the other, he clamped his hand on Dean's mouth. Without releasing his grip on Dean, he stabbed his sword into Dean's heart, using both hands to drive it in", please tell me, because I don't want to accidentally make Cas into an octopus. I doubt it'll get _that _bad, though. *pauses* Oh crap, I jinxed it. *knocks on wood***

**Disclaimer- I own nothing.**

The third Dean should have lived. The third Dean tells Cas he forgives him.

Dean's eyes light up when he sees Castiel. _(Dean, run)_ "Cas, it's you," he sighs in relief. _(No, it's not) _"Where've you been, man? I've been praying!" _(I know)_

Castiel does not say anything, but raises his hand to strike Dean down.

"Cas?" Dean asks suspiciously. "Something up?"

Castiel's reply comes in the form of a swift blow to the gut, sending Dean tumbling to the ground with a surprised cry. He's back up in a second, though, drawing out his weapon, and Castiel strikes him down again. _(That's how it always was with the Winchesters, though, wasn't it?) _Dean scrambles to his feet instinctively and blindly moves to attack. _(Smash them into the ground, only to have them pop back up?)_

"Cas-" Dean manages to get out as Castiel's fist collides with his nose. _(Dean Winchester always refused to stay down) _

Castiel pulls out his sword then, ready to kill, when Dean speaks.

"It's okay, Cas," he mumbles, no longer trying to fight. "It's okay. I- I know this isn't you. Not really. And I just wanted you to know that I'll be okay. Don't worry, Cas. I forgive you."

And just like that, Castiel _remembers_.

_(Dean Winchester is the righteous man) _

_(I gripped him tight and raised him from perdition)_

_(He loves Sam and women and pie)_

_(He faced down angels and demons and walked away victorious)_

_(He taught me emotions and he taught me freedom)_

_(I gave everything for him)_

_(I fell because he asked)_

_(I faced down an archangel to give him a fighting chance)_

_(He has surprised me at every turn)_

_(He stopped the apocalypse)_

_(He takes impossible odds and twists them in his favor)_

_(He would call for me, and me alone)  
_

_(And I would always come)_

_(He called me family)_

_(He forgave me for things that do not deserve forgiveness)_

_(He tore through Purgatory to find me)_

Castiel's sword clatters to the ground. "Dean," he breathes. _(He's so bloody, so broken)_ He reaches out to touch him, to _heal _him _(Was that me?)_, when Dean collapses. "Dean!"_  
_

Castiel wakes up in a white room.

**A/N- I feel like this was a little premature, but I feel like Castiel would've broken free early. Did Dean seem OOC in this one? But then, one could say that because this isn't the real Dean, but a clone Naomi whipped up to test Cas, so he would be bound to be a bit off. And one could also say that that's a terrible excuse. But seriously, did he?**

**In other news, I'm at a point where I have _way _too many ongoing stories going on that I _seriously _need to update, but I keep getting ideas for new fics. *sigh* With this attention span, there's a pretty good chance I'm a half-blood. In any case, when I finish one of my stories, I'm thinking of starting up a Twilight crossover fic in which Andy (from Season 2) wakes up to find himself in the Twilight-verse with no memory of how he got there, a book filled with every detail imaginable about the Cullens, and a mysterious note telling him to go nuts. It would be a crack fic, obviously, in which Andy hunts the Cullen family (including Bella and Renesmee). Thoughts? (But then again, I wanted to write another crossover fic, and I also wanted to write something for Adamandriel, and I also wanted to write an alternate season seven, and I also wanted to write a Destiel AU, and I also wanted to start a series of crossovers. Bleh.)**


	4. Chapter 4

The fourth Dean, the fifth Dean, the sixth Dean, the seventh, the eighth, and the ninth all blur together. They die the same way.

They die quickly, cleanly, before even getting a chance to speak.

Castiel briefly thinks that he should be feeling something, but that is absurd. He is an angel, and angels do not feel.


	5. Chapter 5

The tenth Dean says one word. That is enough.

As he chokes on his own blood, he whispers, "_Cas._" It is the most broken thing Castiel has ever heard, and just like that, he _remembers_. _(What have I done?)_


	6. Chapter 6

The eleventh Dean betrays him. Castiel loves him still.

There is a hand wrapped tightly around Castiel's wrist, a desperate, futile attempt at preventing his blade to come any closer.

"Cas," Dean says slowly, a note of fear in his voice. "Cas, we can talk this out, okay? This doesn't have to happen. We can work through this. _Please_, Cas."

Castiel finds himself slowing down, his grip on his sword loosening ever so slightly.

Dean is quick to take advantage of this, snatching Castiel's sword from his hands.

Castiel looks down to see cold metal pressed against his throat. Castiel looks up to see cold eyes staring into his.

"Lucky you're sentimental, huh, _Cas_?" Dean sneers.

"Dean?" Castiel asks, sounding far too vulnerable for someone who was about to plunge his sword into his chest and watch as the life bled out of him mere seconds ago.

"Do I really have to explain what's going on?" Dean rolls his eyes. "Guess I should be used to that, though, right? It was always so damn annoying, having to tell you how a fucking phone worked or whatever shit you couldn't get through on your own. But it was always me you hung off of. You were always so fucking _needy_." Castiel is vaguely aware of the blade pressing down harder on his skin._ "_But you were always useful in the end, so whatever, I guess."

Castiel doesn't fight, just closes his eyes.

_(iwasneveranythingtodeanwinchesterideservethisiwasnothingiamnothingideservethismaybeafterhekillsmehewillfinallbehappy)_

Castiel opens his eyes. Dean is frozen, and Naomi stands over his shoulder.

"He never loved you, Castiel," she says quietly. "You were never friends, or whatever it was you wanted to be. I'm sorry, Castiel, but now you must kill him."

Castiel would shake his head if not for the blade at his throat. "I will not hurt Dean," he says numbly. "Not again."

Naomi sighs. Dean collapses, hitting the floor with a dull _thud_, green eyes glassy.

Castiel cannot move, trapped in a spotlessly white room.

**A/N- So, I accidentally deleted my first draft of this and had to rewrite the whole thing from scratch. *breathes fire* Anyways, I just wanted to apologize for being unable to properly write Naomi and thank you for reading. Ta!**


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